The Writer’s Voice Entry!

The Writer's Voice

I was lucky enough to be selected to participate in the battle round of The Writer’s Voice which is a multi blog, uber cool contest that requires entrants to post their Query and first 250 words of their manuscript on their own blogs.

So without further ado, here’s a sneak peak of my novel.

Title: OFFED.

Genre: YA Thriller.

Word Count: 84k


By day, Amelia is a senior at an exclusive boarding school, managing a 4.0 GPA and boys. By night, she’s a fully armed lunatic, investigating her parents’ death with an appetite for murder.

Amelia Black is in full control of her emotions, or so she likes to believe. Most of the time, she is able to conceal the trauma caused by watching her parents die. That and her true post-high school objective: tracking down the murderers and killing them. With a semi-perfect cover story, Amelia lives under her uncle’s wing in the shadows of a dreary town. The only reason she lies low is to keep him out of the inevitable mess.

A sudden twist of fate sends Amelia to Cornwell boarding school for her senior year. Being a good liar takes perseverance, convincing her new group of friends that she is totally normal is effortless, juggling two boys is manageable, but keeping her vengeful side under control becomes a chore. Especially after she receives a package from her deceased father. Now, Amelia faces two choices: take the lifeline and start fresh somewhere else or find the file that evoked his murder.

Amelia succeeds in tracing one of the killers. The second one traces her. She messed with the wrong crowd.

The First 250:

In two seconds, I realize I’m done for.

It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to read the telltale signs; the stuffy atmosphere, the deafening silence, the hard surface I’m lying on and the general lack of oxygen. I can’t muster the courage to open my eyes. I have a feeling that I won’t like what I see, and when that happens, I’ll lose it, big time.

My head hurts. I can’t remember how I got here. I try to sort out my fragmented memories, but I’m not lucid enough yet. I pray to God that this is one of my hallucinations or just another fleeting nightmare. I reach for my locket, my totem, the only thing that keeps me grounded when a hallucination goes too far. And crap. It’s gone.

This is real. I rub a shaking hand over my forehead and it comes away wet with sweat and blood. This is real. I open my eyes and I see nothing. This is real. I move my arms upward to feel my way in the dark and I come in contact with a smooth surface, inches away from my face. This is real. I throw my hands around and thrash my feet, same outcome, there’s no escape. The hollow thud of wood engulfs me. I feel the hysteria bubbling up in my chest as I put two and two together: I’m hurt, must have been attacked, now, I’m trapped, in a cramped, form-fitting box.

Oh God. I’m in a coffin.


26 thoughts on “The Writer’s Voice Entry!

  1. OHAI Pitch Madness team member! I remember seeing you in our inbox, very excited to see you made it through the Rafflecopter too. LOVE the sound of this–good luck! 😀

  2. I can’t get over how awesome your blog’s name is. I’m a little jealous, not going to lie.

    I really like your opening line but I love the build up to realizing she’s in a coffin. This is written very well. Congratulations!

  3. Whaaaaaaaaaaat – this is something I’d definitely want to read. Reminds me a bit of Kill Bill (in a good way!) Your pitch is addicting, and your first 250 reels me right in. Especially that last line.

    Great job and good luck!

  4. Your writing style has a nice flow! I almost couldn’t breathe myself by the time I got to the last line.

  5. I’m definitely intrigued here, Reminds me a little bit of Dexter. The query makes me want to know if Amelia is a killer with a good excuse or simply vengeful to the point of killing. I’d definitely read on.

  6. Gah! This sounds so good! And the last line in your entry definitely leaves me wanting more! Good luck!

  7. Nicely written and really good commercial premise. In the query I’m wondering if the word isn’t ‘evoked’ but provoked? In the last paragraph, I wondering if it would be catchier and leave more tothe imagination if you kept the first two sentences and then skipped through to the last: “She’s messed with the wrong crowd.” Just an idea that bubbled up as I read. Happy agent bites, Farah :))

  8. OMG – waking up in a coffin plays to everyone’s worst nightmare! I got a cool Dexter/double life vibe from your story. Best of luck in the contest.

  9. Hi, what a gripping query and story. I love your start and am dying to read more to see how you worked in the back story. Exciting read and super polished!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s